Fighting Malicious Insecurity
The darkness was overwhelming for a minute – but it was self-inflicted – and here we are on the other side of it. Hopefully for the better in the end.
Me with some fancy scary prosthetics - trying to overcome some darkness
Yep, I did it again. Got mad at my FB/IG peeps for not listening to my music. Not acceptable behavior but is true Sarenrae form. I guess I love to show y’all my darkness wins sometimes.
The response though was truly heartwarming. Even if I don’t get a listen from all of you, there are many who are highly engaged and supportive of my work and mission.
I still feel some of my frustration is valid – but the target shouldn’t be you guys. It’s not your fault that the FB algorithm sucks, and that they make it so hard for me to share links directly to music on other platforms. On top of that – at least they could make it easier for me to share the music directly to a Facebook or Instagram post. But even that is effectively broken.
I have pondered a hiatus. I keep doing that. There’s still so much about this that isn’t working. Not like I thought it would. But also things keep working that weren’t expected. Like me showing you all some of the ways my darkness takes over. You’re welcome.
The OG goal for this was indeed for me to share my grief, my ailing and wailing about my pain. But now it isn’t only for that. It’s also for advocacy of sexual assault victims, it’s for LGBTQ, and it’s for the output of those things to be heard and seen in the world. Ideally impact someone. Make them feel something. Maybe even change a perspective or two. I think there is progress there…so what am I so upset about?
It’s not greed, at least not monetary. I suppose it is impatient ambition. And insecurity about…everything.
So many failings, so many things to learn. Thank you, guys, for sticking with me as I figure out what it all means. Ugh this all was so much easier when my wife was around. I didn’t seem to desperately need validation. If she liked it, I was content...
So here we are again. We are nocturnal… haha sorry I couldn’t help myself. (A little Sarenrae inside joke there) But yeah. One step at a time. Many Sarenrae projects coming up – darkness be gone! I better get back at it!
